Zutara: Our Bond Grows Deep

He could feel his chest beating faster as he continued to walk along the hill’s steep edge, every step building anger atop the pain that had already seized his hopeful heart. The night sky only worsened his mood and the dark clouds overhead spoke of rain that was soon to come. But Zuko paid no attention to the commotion around him. Even the soft pitter-patter of the waterbender’s feet did not make him stop his rampage over the many hills on Ember Island. It was a wonder to him that she had remained quiet, seemingly content in following him, letting him vent his anger through whatever means necessary.

Zuko suddenly came to a stop at the top of one of the hills that looked out past the beach, and he let the wind whip through his already scraggly hair, only knotting it further. He could sense Katara’s presence only feet away from him, but he paid her no heed as his fingers began to turn as red as the intensity of a morning sun. He wanted to scream his lungs out into the night sky, to tear open the clouds with a burst of lightning from his fingertips, to melt away this pain and sorrow that rose within him. He wanted his hope to be fulfilled. He wanted retribution. But all he had was a growing flame of anger and grief, and that’s all he would ever have.

As much as he tried to hold it within himself, he found he couldn’t take it any longer. The flames rose up from around his hands and overwhelmed his entire form. He let out a cry of despair as lightning sparked the sky and caused the rain to fall. The flames that had risen around him were quickly distinguished as water burst forth from the heavens above. Zuko fell to his knees and lifted his eyes to the sky, letting the soothing rain caress his skin and cool the fire within his flesh. But no matter how gentle the rain fell, nothing could soothe this grief. Nothing could bring back his mother.

Only a few feet behind him, Katara stood still amidst the thunder, letting her tears fall along with the rain. The pain and grief over the loss of her own mother rose to the surface of her own heart, bringing with it a new sense of emptiness and sorrow. And upon seeing Zuko’s anger and rage at the news of his mother’s untimely death, Katara could no longer hold back her emotions. He had held onto so much hope. His eyes had lit up as he told her of the possibility that his mother could still be alive. She could sense his closeness to her, and she desired for him to be reunited with her. But in one single moment, all his hopes had been dashed away, his eyes became vacant and dark, and his grief was released through the fire that churned inside of him.

As Zuko took off across the hills, she had decided to contentedly follow behind him. She would have opened her mouth and said a soothing word, but it was not words that he needed to hear. Katara could sense that he needed to deal with this on his own terms, to accept the loss of his mother, but she also knew that he could not do it alone. So she trailed along behind him, her thoughts centered on his wellbeing.

And so when the fire filled the darkness around them, Katara could only stare in awe at the sorrow that was expressed through his mask of rage and anger. The rain and lightning was soon to follow, and she continued to watch as the flames were diminished and eventually disappeared, leaving the shape of a man kneeling to the ground, lost amidst his own mourning.

“Why?” she heard him question the heavens. “Why?”

Katara looked upon Zuko with a new understanding, seeing him for the man he really was and not who he had been. And it was because of this revelation that she took several steps toward him and knelt down beside him. At first he didn’t acknowledge her presence. His eyes remained closed and his head stayed tilted up towards the midnight sky. But she did not mind. She contentedly sat beside him, keeping her eyes fixed upon his face, waiting for that one flicker of movement that would bring his eyes down to meet with hers.

Zuko knew she was watching him, but he could not move. He was fearful of what she would think of him. He had burst out in such rage that he thought he might have scared her away. But the soothing sound of her fluid movement towards him, the brushing of the grass as she sat down beside him, only amazed him and caused his heart to quicken. How was it that someone he had known for merely a few weeks could understand him so well? She didn’t say a word, he hadn’t wanted a word. She didn’t leave him, he hadn’t wanted her to leave. She didn’t offer anything but her presence, a presence that was overwhelming him with more of a caring and understanding air than he had ever felt before. How had she come to know him? It was a wonder that Zuko couldn’t grasp.

Lightning split the sky once more, and Zuko’s eyes burst open at the thunder that followed. He could feel his lungs expanding with the air he breathed in, and slowly he moved his gaze towards Katara as he let the air leave his body, calming his wearied soul. He looked upon her and was met with a comforting gaze that only her gentle, blue eyes could bring. “Why are you still here, Katara?”

With a serious air to her voice, she replied, “Because you still need me, and I do not abandon those in need.”

Even though the rain trickled down her face, he could still see the marks that her own tears had made. How could it be so? She had been grief-stricken for his pain? Zuko moved his body to a better position so as to face her more easily and then asked, “Is this how it was when you lost your own mother? Was this the same grief that you faced?”

Katara’s eyes filled with tears again and she could feel one slip down her cheek as she answered him. “Yes. I had loved my mother so much. She meant the world to me, and when the Fire Nation…when they…they took her away, I felt I had lost a part of who I was. She…she was everything to me…and I miss her…so very much.”

Zuko’s countenance softened as he repeated the sentiment that he had bestowed upon her long ago. “I’m sorry, Katara.”

Wiping the tears from her eyes, Katara continued, “But, Zuko, you had hope, a hope that your mother could be alive. But…it is gone now.” Katara paused when she saw Zuko’s head fall down in shame. She couldn’t help herself. She moved closer to him and reached out her hand and set it atop his own that had been resting on his knee. Zuko looked up at her in surprise, but before he could utter a word, she spoke a sentiment of her own. “I’m sorry, Zuko, for your loss, and indeed it is a great loss. Not only a mother but a father and a sister as well. Your entire family has fallen because of this war, and that is something far worse.”

Zuko stared at her in amazement. Never before had he met such kindness and understanding embodied in one person. Even though his Uncle had shown him great compassion, there was something more in Katara’s gaze, something greater in her touch, something deeper in their bond. But this had happened before. She had shown him great kindness, and he had betrayed her trust. But while looking into her eyes, he wondered how this has ever been so for they had shared something deep within the catacombs of Ba Sing Se, something that was still growing and developing though they both tried to ignore it.

Without breaking away from her gaze, Zuko stood to his feet, holding onto her hand and pulling her up with him. Another burst of lightning split the sky and it illuminated their faces in the dark. But once the light was gone, Zuko felt a hand upon the left side of his face, and a gentle word was whispered into the night. “I wish I could have healed you, Zuko.” Zuko’s eyes widened in shock. Even after all that he had done, she still wanted to heal him?

Zuko brought his hand up and rested it atop hers for a few brief moments before grasping it and bringing it away from his face. “No. I do not deserve such a blessing, and it would be wise of you not to trust me.” Zuko stepped away from her and turned to walk down the hill.

“Zuko!” Katara called after him. “Wait!”

“Why, Katara?” he asked as he turned to face her. Sparks soared across the sky once more, showering the hillside with the sounds of rolling thunder. “I have betrayed you before, and you said it yourself. I am not to be trusted. Even my face speaks of this.”

“Zuko…”

“No, you don’t understand. I’m not sad about my mother’s death, Katara, I’m happy about it. Okay? She’s gone. That’s great. Now she won’t ever have to see me like this. She won’t ever have to see my ugly face!” he yelled as the thunder died down around him.

“Zuko, you don’t mean that.” Zuko turned and continued to walk down the hillside, but Katara refused to let him off that easily and she quickly caught up to him. “No, you don’t mean that. You love your mother. You wish she were alive. I could sense it when you told me about her. So how can you say such things?”

Zuko came to a stop and turned towards Katara. “Because, Katara.”

“Because why, Zuko?”

“Because I miss her!” Lightning burst forth from the sky yet again, and Zuko’s rage returned and he shot fire off into the sky. Katara didn’t react to his anger but instead stood patiently waiting for him to speak to her again. And when he turned towards her, she saw his true sorrow for the first time.

She didn’t even have to say a word. She could see it in his gaze. Without so much as a second thought, Katara wrapped her arms around Zuko’s neck, resting her head atop his shoulder just as she had done before when he had comforted her. And just as before, Zuko gently crossed his arms around her waist, pulling her closer to him. But this time it was different, it had changed, something was made deeper. Zuko could finally be himself. He could finally express his true feelings. In that moment, Zuko no longer felt the need to hold back. And so for the first time, a single tear fell down from Zuko’s left eye.